Raw… that’s how I feel and that’s why I cannot speak. Since the death of my grandson, the deterioration of my husband’s physical health… Moving domicile… twice! I moved into one apartment temporarily, then when the permanent location was ready (August 1) I moved again, three weeks ago. All in between June and August, running down to the hospital ICU and sitting at my dearest lover’s side (my husband, Yehuda,) impotently; 0r not sitting at the hospital because there were so many things to do and arrange I couldn’t take myself away. Guilt mounting drowning me in it’s wake.
Raw…sleepless, Dreaming of the happy past and awakening to the awkward and painful present. Where is Yehuda… Where is my grandson… with G-d, both, my grandson totally and my husband tottering on the fence between this world and the next. The buyer of my condo gutted it to the very studs everything gone … Our lives there obliterated. New walls and new interior design are the work in progress. Our footprints as dwellers in that flat flying in the dust and debris of the apartment’s destruction, thrown out with the demolition debris. Though the apartment is being renovated -where are we, our memory?
Raw… Names: blowing their vicious wind and water, Hilary, Harvey, Irma, Marie. Hurricanes, they start out as a storm over the tropical and sub tropical waters and as they increase in force are called verily cyclones, typhoons, and finally hurricanes, some of which have been the strongest in recorded history. While these few names above represent devastation, lives lost, physical destruction, and chaos; this year there were actually 44 hurricanes world wide! Twenty-one in the Atlantic (my name is there for one such) area and 24 in the Pacific area. Names: flooding us, touching us in the Americas our family members fleeing these destructive forces escaping if they could get out of the choked roads in time. Their property and pets destroyed, and or lost. Texas! Florida! we are flooded with fear and disbelief.
Raw…Shake, Rattle, Roll, CRASH! Earth moving under our feet! Sky IS tumbling down or maybe we are thrown up while chaos reigns and our lives are devastated. Three earthquakes in Mexico this year! (over 6500 world wide) It too is so near! It’s all to near!~ our loved ones ….Oh G-d! So dear!
Bitter…Where do we hide from the rushing tide and shuddering ground on our earthly home? Lives and Buildings falling, tragedy sweeping away the ‘normal’ ebb and flow of life each day.
Basic….We cannot and are not in control of our lives and destinies. So what do we cling to in these turbulent frightening times? Are we just going to fold, flounder, meltdown, ignore, abscond the fate of our ‘others’?
Battle scarred ->Wholesome… This world is a world of questions when we ‘arrive’ in the next world there will be no questions only answers: we will understand how each devastating piece fits the ultimate plan. Now what do we do how do we go on? How can we serve humanity and G-d with happiness and joy in these bitter and difficult circumstances?
Whole… there is a way and while it is unique to each person there are some things that are common to us all. Stay tuned for how I found my way.
- Please contact me for more information at firstname.lastname@example.org.
- My phone number is 1888-662-8881 and locally 416-633-0977 (direct line)
#death, #tragedy,#health,#wholesome,#hurricane, #earthquake,#happiness