I noticed that there is a lot of negative emotion on the subject of the Jewish way of #mourning the loss of a newborn, #miscarriage, or #stillbirth of an infant.  I have learned a lot from my experience and hope what I learned will help others and help to mitigate some of the negative emotions.

I have learned the following during my experience and would like to share it please:

The Halacha requires that there is no shiva or even a funeral for a situation like this.  The baby is given a name and buried often without a marker to identify the grave. The parents are to ‘forget’ this neshama and go on with their lives…

Yoel Yaakov explained that this neshama had no connection to this world other than being born into it.  He said that he learned that a fetus even one that miscarries in the womb – Chas V’shalom, is counted in shomayim as a live neshama for the purpose of bringing the Geula closer.  As we have learned, a certain number of neshamos must enter the world before Moshiach can arrive and the neshama of these types of children that never actually live are credited to the parents as actual ‘live’ children. The neshama will be reunited with its parents in Olam Haba.

While the two worlds earth and the Heavenly, Spiritual world are parallel there is a big divide often called a curtain between them. This world is one of challenge and spiritual impurity where as the heavenly world is only pure.

Someone who has resided in this world can be positively affected by the actions of their children and others they impacted in their lifetime by mitzvah etc.  However, a neshama that NEVER was in this world and came only from the spiritual world can only be negatively impacted and suspended from returning to its rightful place by commemorating it in this world by a marker, grave, and our continual actions seemingly on its behalf.

The more spiritual something is the more it can take on spiritual impurity and damaging forces that do exist though we don’t perceive them.  These can negatively impact the people closest to the suspended neshama.

So therefore, the Halacha is to ‘forget’ this neshama let it return to its rightful place and move on as best we can. We can celebrate our participation in bringing a moment of Kedusha or tikkun of the neshama to the world.

What belongs to Shomayim stays in Shomayim though we don’t understand it.

The Chevra Kaddisha told Yoel that they can assist in the ‘letting go’ process and that it is common for people to feel fine at one point and crushed at another.  If someone does feel crushed the Chevra Kaddisha can be contacted and they will help out to bring comfort back to the family in the letting go process.

No family is alone in Klal Yisroel.  Though this is a challenging matzo the Torah and our Rabbanim deal with it in a sensitive and kind manner in all ways trying to lessen pain and encourage healthy growth and human connection.

Please know that each of us needs to reach out on both sides the people suffering need to ask for help and the people with the help need to educate, inform and Offer that help.

We are all in this together.

Thank you for reading.  May my words bring comfort to anyone suffering.  May we be zoche to achdus and bring the Moshiach peacefully.



Tammy and Yehuda